This Week in Print

As all of my adoring fans have probably noticed, I have fallen off the map. While I've been absent, I've still been obsessing over my blog hits. Apparently, I am a hit with the gay Parisiennes on the other side of the pond. who knew?
Anyway, I figured to make up for my absence that I would post what has been occupying my times. (because everyone loves to read college essays, right?) whether you do or don't will determine whether you read or won't. if for nothing else you can know what has been making me crazy lately.

The Dream is the Truth
Zora Neale Hurston’s novel, Their Eyes Were Watching God, is often described as one woman’s journey of self-discovery. While I believe this to be an accurate analysis overall, it is not sophisticated enough. By describing the journey of one’s self, Hurston is able to accomplish an immense depth of collective understanding. In this story of self-discovery there are outlines of gendered norms and societal restraints. Hurston employs vivid metaphors of pollen, entanglement and inner self to personify roles of agency. Through the use of these metaphors she is able to depict one woman’s path to discovering how norms and society play a role in shaping circumstances and how these circumstances shape people. Through Hurston’s words Janie embarks on a journey of self-discovery and through this discovery of Janie’s self there is also an unspoken understanding of women as a whole.
The first paragraph of Hurston’s novel addresses man’s agency in post-Civil War America. Hurston artfully describes the ambitions of men, “ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board” (Hurston 1). This implies that men have their dreams right in front of them. They can see them and they can aspire toward them. The following two sentences describe the difference between men. This sentence refers to those who are privileged, “for some they come in with the tide” (1). The reader has to decide for whom wishes come in with the tide. It is never explicitly stated but Hurston seems to allude to a racial and a class divides. The well-off are white and only need to wait for the tide to come in. Other men are not so lucky: “for others they sail forever on the horizon” (1). The horizon represents a condition of not having. The horizon is always in front of oneself and always just out of reach, the same way that tomorrow never comes. Wishes then become something that is dangled in front of these men. This implies an expectation inherent to masculinity. Until eventually the sun sets on their horizon. This lifetime of fruitless dreaming is what defines the life of men who are in want. The only similarity between these two men lies in the amount of inaction with regard to the perusal of dreams. We do not see men asserting themselves and having the fruits of their labor rewarded. Instead, we see some men waiting and other men watching. Either way, we are not seeing men pursuing and taking. Instead, they are simply acted upon with the changing whims of the tide. This negates a state of willful agency.
The second paragraph sets up the normative dichotomy between men and women. Men sit in wait for their dreams. Women, on the other hand, seem to take more initiative regarding their dreams, without actually executing power. Instead of steadfastly watching one’s dreams, women employ the art of selective remembrance. They figure out the situations that are out of their control. “Now, women forget all those things they don’t want to remember, and remember everything they don’t want to forget” (1). Their selective memory becomes their reality. This helps them deal with the hardship in life that is unfathomable and equally intolerable. They exercise agency when they can and forget about the instances they cannot. This act of willful amnesia makes an unbearable life bearable. They acknowledge they lack power in some situations and attempt to navigate around that the best they can. This creates a state of willfulness, without necessarily creating a space for agency. Understanding these first paragraphs helps one negotiate the constant strife between the sexes in this novel. Men and women are inextricably bound together. However, women’s acceptance of reality seems to undermine the men who are not satisfied with the dream being the truth.
There are many intersecting themes throughout the novel that flesh out the tension and ambiguity between men and women. Understanding love and marriage is one of these critical themes that helps navigate gender relations in this novel. Janie describes the union of love in the poetic language of birds and bees. She spends her time examining love and marriage while outstretched underneath the shade of a pear tree. She is witness to flies tumbling, interconnected, “marrying and giving in marriage” and, through a haze of pollination, she finds love and kisses Johnnie Taylor (11). We will see the critical themes of bound interconnectedness, pollen, inner self and issues of agency continue throughout the novel.
Pollen-induced haze and lying beneath the pear tree are also reoccurring symbols throughout the novel. They symbolize the haze of romanticism and Janie’s attempt to make the truth the dream. She wants the elements of marriage to be sweet, like when one sits under the pear tree to think. When her first marriage does not bring her this, she begins to stand near the gate and wait for something, like when she got her first kiss from Johnnie Taylor (23). It is at this point that she comes to realize marriage does not automatically bring love. Her dream had died, “so she became a woman” (24). Pollen imagery returns when she is describing the realization of her shattered dream of marriage with Joe. She is described as having “no more blossomy openings dusting pollen over her man.” She was no longer subdued by the haze of love and realized the truth was not the dream. The dream was merely a cloak for the man to wear (68). She forgot about love and molded her dream to fit the truth.
We see the shaping of dreams in relation to truth through Janie’s proximity to self, which is directly reflected by the circumstances of her life. We see this during her first marriage to Logan Killicks. Prior to her marriage, she believes that husbands and wives love each other without question. So she “went on inside to wait for love to begin” (21). The inside alluded to in this passage refers to Janie’s inner self. This is the first time we see her altering the proximity to herself. This is a continuing thread throughout the novel. We see it again in chapter 6 with Joe Starks. She is described as not being “petal-open” with him anymore. She came to this realization immediately after the first time he administered a beating upon her. Following the incident, she felt something fall “off the shelf inside her.” She looked inside herself and realized it was her dream of Joe. This is the point in the novel when she addresses that she has an inside and an outside and they are not meant to mix (68). If she can separate her emotions from herself, then she can make her dream of Joe the truth.
Janie’s final marriage is a turning point in the novel. Through Tea cake we see the culmination of imagery introduced to us so far. For instance, we get to see reference to Janie’s inside and outside again. Janie and Tea Cake had just left Eatonville and been married. Janie had brought along some safety money, which Tea Cake had stolen and lost while gambling. Tea Cake promised that he would win it back. This passage comes after his return. He has been injured in an altercation after winning back Janie’s money. Janie observes him drifting off to sleep. As she looks down upon him while he sleeps, she describes feeling a “soul-crushing love. So her soul crawled out from its hiding place” (122). It is interesting that she does not use the typical imagery of pollinated haze to describe a joyous love embrace or an ecstatic shiver (11). Instead the love she feel is one that crushes with its embrace. Therefore, her soul cannot gaily frolic out from its hiding place. Her soul, so crushed by the weight of her love for Tea Cake, can do nothing but crawl out from its hiding place. This suggests a lack of willfulness. Perhaps it was only the crushing that squeezed it out in the first place.
Through Tea Cake we see the reemergence of tangled bodies of relationships and are introduced to a complicated matter of intimacy. In chapter 15, Janie learns how jealousy feels. She believes that Tea Cake is cheating and confronts him with a blow. We then see them fighting from room to room. All the while, Janie is flailing and Tea Cake is holding her wrists in restraint. They continue, tangled, until their clothes are ripped away and Tea Cake hurls Janie onto the floor. In this passage we see and eroticism of their violent struggle. We also see a quagmire between want and volition. Saidiya Hartman examines this perplex in her work looking at racial justifications for the sexual subjugation slave women. In this violent encounter, the “language of passion expresses the essential conflation of force and feeling” (Hartman 79). However, during slave era there was a defined evil—the slave holder. In the climate of the novel, there is no defined evil outside of the slave system. Tea Cake holds her down until her resistance is melted away. They continue, tangled, doing with their bodies what cannot be expressed with words (Hurston 132). Is this a desired sexual encounter or is this seductive duress? We see the same conversation popping up in nineteenth century theory, through the work of Pamela Haag. It seems the conversation is unfinished through the unspoken norms in Tea Cake and Janie’s relationship.This portion of text illuminates the “evocatively ambiguous relations of power” between Janie and Tea Cake under which an imperfect choice was made (Haag 3). If she had continued to struggle, the reality would have been rape. The melting of resistance gives a space to Janie to refuse the existence of forced coercion. The sex they engage in is full of passion, not force, so Janie can make the dream of passionate love her truth.
The struggle continues. In this case it is man versus animal: Tea Cake versus a dog. This is during the hurricane that drives them to higher ground. After falling into flood water, Janie latches onto a cow to avoid drowning. There is a vicious dog on the cow and she is in danger of being bitten. Tea Cake dives into the water and rushes to her rescue. The dog was strong and Tea Cake was exhausted. Tea Cake was unable to kill the dog with one stab of the knife, but the dog was also unable to free himself from Tea Cake’s grip. They fought in a tangled mess, with the dog’s teeth in Tea Cake’s flesh and Tea Cake’s knife in the dog’s flesh. They are eventually separated when the dog dies, leaving Tea Cake with what will eventually become a mortal wound (Hurston 157).
The struggle of entanglement concludes when Tea Cake is consumed by rabies. He becomes as blood-thirsty as the dog that bit him. Inside of him was a need to kill. Unfortunately, Janie was the only living thing in his sight. She was forced to shoot him and as he crashed toward the floor, Janie lunged to catch him. As the two bodies came together, Tea Cake sinks his teeth into Janie’s flesh and they crash to the ground a tangled mess (175). Interconnectedness, as we see it in this novel, addresses the need of reliance upon another person. It is safety in numbers and it is circumstance binding people and things together, for better or worse.
The conclusion of the book echoes the metaphorical sentiments of the beginning. Janie says that she has been to the horizon and back. She has served to embody the dreams of Tea Cake and she sailed in just as the sun was setting on his horizon. In the end, “she pulled in her horizon like a great fish-net…so much of life in its meshes” (184). . She had so much life in her fish-net’s meshes, so she pulled it in. She was not watching the horizon, dotted with ships at a distance which forever hold the dreams of men. Instead, she remembered Tea Cake because he was everything that she did not want to forget. She beckoned her soul back inside for the last time. Then there was peace and the dream was the truth.
In conclusion, by analyzing pollen, entanglement and inner self we are witness to the distinct differences between men and women in regard to personal agency. Men wish upon ships at a distance; while women accept the facts. This puts men in the position of being blameless victims; while women seem to be more responsible for their hardship. These diverging perspectives cause ambiguity: who is the oppressor and who is the victim? The ambiguous state of blame serves to inform the relationships of tension between men and women throughout the novel. In the end, Janie discovers herself and she represents the journey required of women during that time period. Hurston’s words describe a tale of self-discovery, but what is left unsaid details the difficult road of collective discovery for women in the post-slave era.

I'm hoping this maintains or boosts my GPA as opposed to bring it down. This class has been the most challenging for me in regard to meeting my professor's expectations. Overall, I have good feelings about it.

In other news, I auditioned for a UW production...
THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES!!!
I'll find out in the next day or two whether I get a part or not. I actually don't know whether I have the time for the production in my schedule next quarter. So, if I do get a part, I'm hoping I don't get three. During the audition, they asked me to talk about my vagina to see if I would get squeamish. I think what I said made them blush. I suppose this could be good or bad. Either I'm just bold enough or a bit too bold. Anyway, it will work out either way. I mostly just wanted to remember how fun it is to audition for a play again.
Good night and Happy Festivus!

YES

yes, I have not posted in awile.
no, I am not dead.
however, my external hard drive fell asleep and will not wake up.

does anyone want to play Prince charming and awake my memory holder from its deep slumber?

am i a mail order bride?

I never thought so, but apparently the person who sent me this email thinks so:

"Hello Dear.
My introduction, my name is Jeff from republic of Sierra Leone, I want to solicit your attention in receiving funds on my behalf, which my late father left in a merchant bank in Ivory Coast before his death and the Amount is 2.5million dollars. The purpose of my contacting you is because you been a foreigner who I can have trust on to avoid my fathers relatives using the advantage of my age and cheat or betray me of this money, so that is why I decided to disclose it to you.

You live in a Western country with a stable economy where I can invest the money into true you. Please I don’t have any choice of investment; only what I need is your full assistance and support in any good investment in your country.

If you can be of an assistance to me I will be pleased to offer to you 20% of the total fund while the balance will be invested by you.
I am waiting for your response with your full information for me to be to be submitted to the bank.

Sincerely
Jeff kumma"

i wonder if he's handsome. he says he can only trust me because i've been foreign. ha!
i'm tempted to respond just to see what this person actually wants. Probably my bank account info. however, i'm afraid of computer viruses. so, i won't.

what's in a name?

this may be the 1st time i don't use pseudonyms! isn't that weird?
as many may know, I've been kicking around the idea of changing my name. my middle name is marie and i think it is just as useless as most middle names.
my grandfather must have felt the same way. as an adult he changed his middle name to Baca, his mother's maiden name. my plan has been to follow his lead and make my middle name Baca as well. Anyone who has received emails from me knows that I am already using this new middle name.
However, i've begun considering making this name change more drastic. this has been prompted by an overwhelming need to preserve my paternal grandmother's legacy.

OVERWHELMING NEED, form of panic attacks--YAY! the easy thing for me to do would be to go back to my roots as a big bitch and just generally being difficult to get along with. I'm sure some people may think I've already begun this tactic, but i actually haven't. the other thing that has occurred to me is that if my grandparents lived in a spanish-speaking country, my fathers surname would be Garcia Esquivel.
My current plan is to ignore the fact that my mother has a maiden name, because i have no socially defined identity tied to it, and take my father's hypothetical surname.
I think continuing this tradition might actually behoove me. I often struggle with the idea of producing offspring and whether or not they will have my last name. I feel I deserve to pass on my name, because i will be the one to carry the little "f"er! However, I think since dad passes on genetics that he deserves that honor, too. so, who would win? this just bugs me, because it wreaks of domination in what SHOULD be a co-equal relationship. With the Hispanic naming model mini-me can have both last names! this makes me less apprehensive about one day making a copy of my genetics in the form of a person.
this also seems less like name changing as it does taking back what's mine.
my only concern is whether my name will be too much after i pass the bar in a handful of years: ms. shannon baca garcia esquivel, esquire--you know i'm going to use the title, because me using it bucks the boys club mentality of higher education.
that's it. my eyes must now focus on other eyes watching god.

Job Opening- WA (south end)

Position: Technical Support Specialist/Help Desk
Job Type: Administrative
Schedule: Full Time
Location: Tukwila, Washington
Salary: Hourly - $14.00 to $15.00 with benefits
Job Posted: October 9, 2007
Req'd Travel: Yes – In Washington State up to 15%
Relocation Covered: No

To Apply:
Send cover letter including statement (**see below) & resume in Word format to:

Human Resources Administrator
Cedar River Clinics, Executive Office
14220 Interurban Ave S. Suite #140 Seattle, WA 98168
Fax: (206)267-2702
E-mail: HR@CedarRiverClinics.org

Cedar River Clinics, a Feminist run organization committed to making a difference in the lives of women by providing abortion and birth control services, seeks a highly motivated pro-choice technical support specialist to work under the direction the Systems Administrator in the IT Office. This position is located in the Executive Office in Tukwila, WA. This entry level IT position provides user support by troubleshooting software/hardware/printer/scanner problems and will also assist in telephone support, network operations and additional administrative support.

This position will travel to and perform IT support within our clinics during office hours. To be considered for this position, please include a **statement in your cover letter regarding your view on being pro-choice and address specifically why you would like to work for Cedar River Clinics.

Summary of Responsibilities:
• Provide positive encouraging support to end users who have varying
degrees of technical knowledge.
• Provide direction and support to On-Site Systems Coordinators.
• Ability to timely troubleshoot printer, hardware/software, copier/scanner
and telephone support over the telephone or in person.
• Assist in resolving computer issues over the telephone or in person.
• Provide telephone system support as needed.
• Install software as needed.
• Configure workstations as needed.
• Set up new network user accounts, email, network folders and
permissions.
• Dismantle network account for separated users.
• Follow through on IT policy change documentation.
• Order cabling for telephones and/or computers or run and install cable as
directed.
• Other duties as assigned.

Summary of Skills:
• Advanced knowledge in the following programs: DOS based applications,
Windows applications, computer networks.
• Familiarity with network, telephone and voicemail systems.
• Ability to teach and provide direction to other computer users with varying
degrees of knowledge.
• Working knowledge of Network protocols and IP addressing.
• Extreme attention to detail and follow through.
• Ability to effectively prioritize and complete tasks with little or no assistance.
• Ability to run office errands.
• Ability to make judgment decisions within the scope of assigned tasks.
• Demonstrated flexibility in handling multiple tasks and working in different
areas.
• Valid Washington State driver's license, reliable transportation, and
insurance required.
• Maintain internal and external confidentiality.
• Possess a strong commitment to Cedar River Clinics mission and values.

Physical Demands of this position:
• Frequently stands, walks, sits and climbs in performing duties in the office
and in traveling to off site locations.
• Frequently reaches and grasps in using telephones, computers, fax
machines and other office equipment and supplies.
• Frequently lifts and carries up to 15lbs of computers, monitors, printers
and occasionally, up to 40 lbs.
• Frequently to occasionally performs close work while using tools to install
hardware, updating files, reading technical information, and using
computers.
• Occasionally kneels, bends, pushes and pulls.
• Occasionally maneuvers around and/or under desks in sometimes tight
and dirty locations.

Summary of requirements:
• High school diploma or equivalent.
• Knowledge of DOS bases applications, Windows applications, computer
networks.
• Experience installing/troubleshooting/maintaining PC, printers and
scanners required.
• Strong written and verbal communication skills
• Demonstrated ability to be flexible
• Must be Pro Choice.
• Must be able to travel in Washington State up to 15%.


Feminist Women's Health Center is a social change organization that combines direct services (abortion and reproductive health care), with activism (to preserve the right to choose) and community education (to demystify health information and empower health decisions).

VISION: We have a vision of a world where all women freely make their own decisions regarding their bodies, reproduction and sexuality – a world where all women can fulfill their own unique potential and live healthy, whole lives.

MISSION: To achieve reproductive freedom, FWHC provides abortion and birth control so women can decide their own destinies.

To learn more about
• the clinic or the organization, see: www.CedarRiverClinics.org and
www.FWHC.org

the day apprehensive to begin

The morning after can be such a drag...
I am a service learning tutor for the greatest class in the world--Psycho Biology of Women. However, I had a really hard time getting people scheduled for the required meetings and ended up spreading myself too thin.
My first meeting was scheduled for 8AM on Monday morning. My plan was to be up by 6am to make sure I arrived on time or early. However, the crazy screaming lady woke me up around 4am and I was not able to fall back asleep until after 5am. Needless to say, I did not wake up on time. I got out of bed at 7am and got ready as fast as my sleep-deprived bones would allow (which was not very fast at all, especially considering I needed a shower).
I arrived "punctually" at 8:15am. WHOOPS! the meeting went well, but I felt a bit off my game. Anyway, when the meeting was over I needed to hike over to Bartell Drugs. In my early-morning haze, I forgot to bring Aleve. After surrendering my money, I popped three pretty little pills into my mouth and caught the bus to Planned Parenthood.
My appointment was at 10:15am and I got there at 9:45am. In my mind that erased being late to my first appointment of the day. I had to sign some forms and pee in a cup. Why don't places supply funnels? I can't tell you how much I love getting urine on my hands so early in the morning!
Shortly after I peed on myself, a man took me into an exam room to get the ball rolling. I was a little worried that he might be the one doing the procedure. I couldn't imagine they have men prodding uteri at Planned Parenthood. The place that is supposed to be by women for women. i was panicked nonetheless. Also, the music was terrible. I imagined a male clinician tunnelling through my cervix to the soulful styling of Roxette. It was at this moment of being consumed by doubt that I found out they would need to poke my finger and get blood out of it. If I had known about the finger poking, I may not have come in. He tried to tell my that it's not that bad and not even really a needle. None of that helped. I cried like a baby and made him nervous that I would not be able to handle an hour of vaginal penetration. Clearly, he knows me not. I can handle most anything as long as needles and my blood are not involved.
After I stopped sobbing, he told me 20-year veteran, Consuelo, and a 3rd year resident would be performing the procedure. I sighed the biggest sigh of relief.
The two came in and the resident got to work while Consuelo kept me comfortable. They showed me my shiny, new Paraguard IUD. I announced that I would name her Penny. We all agreed that was an appropriate name, because she is tiny and copper. All in all, the procedure went smooth. However, a slight complication arose due to the position of my uterus. Apparently, it tips forward. I never knew that. Conveniently, it is more difficult to get a copper apparatus into a uterus that tips forward. I must say that I was not made too uncomfortable by this added obstacle. There was some cramping, but I was able to breathe through it.
After some struggle she asked Consuelo to take over. I was relieved, because the cramping was beginning to increase and I could tell that I would soon be in pain. Consuelo went in and did some maneuvering. I was about to say ouch, because I felt a surge of discomfort. However, this discomfort was over before the words came to my lips and just then she announced that she'd gotten it. Penny was in!
After that, I had to get back to school and have 3 more meetings. I decided I deserved Pho. Slim Jeans also decided I deserved wine and muscle relaxers.
gawd bless Slim Jeans!

the day that refused to end...

...gave way to the day apprehensive to begin.
I heard through the grapevine, because i never actually look into the weather myself, that yesterday was going to be a wonderful day during a period in seattle when the wonderful days are becoming fewer and further between. So, instead of a planned jog, i proposed a bike ride. this will prove to be my undoing one day. don't get me wrong: i love me bike

see?! she's cute
However, a jog would have consisted of 3 miles. the bike rides consisted of 30+. i was sore and tired, but came home with a bunch of cute patterns, that no one gets to see until AFTER the holidays!! Bits and I tried to get Emms to hit on a couple of hot biker boys to join our peloton, but it was to no avail. boys, even the cutest ones can be oh so lame-o. also, why do biker boys have the nicest butts?
I digress. Anyway, I came home feeling everything mentioned above, but could not fall asleep. LAME! it was so beyond me. midnight came around and i finally fell into slumbers. THEN, 4am rolled around and i hear a woman screaming, "get away from me. leave me alone!" I wasn't completely in my head. so, i just laid there. then when i came to my senses, all i could think was that: "damn! i'm 'that' person." just then i heard her yelling and coming closer. I sat up in my bed and saw her run by, still screaming: "get away from me. leave me alone!" She looked like she was in a lot of trouble, but no one was following her. Shortly after I heard a siren for her and i was off the hook. Needless to say, we 6am reared its ugly head, I was not ready to get up.
I was not ready for a day of meetings of getting an IUD.
the rest of this story is...
...to be continued...

who do I endorse?

I must admit I am a Kucinich dreamer. When I look at him, I really believe he is for the little guy. All joking aside, I am very much a pink-o at heart and he represents a lot of my sentiments for communism, oh that it were a perfect system. When I leave munch kin land and come back down to the real world, I bounce between Clinton, Obama, and Edwards. The one who best brings out my eyes on any given day is the one I am apt to support. Being that I am still up in the air, I decided to take an online survey. Much like using Cosmo to tell me what I want in a lover, I figured a survey that identifies my top candidates must be flawless. I used VA Joe's Candidate Calculator
and this is what it told me.

Ohio Representative Dennis Kucinich (D) - 88.24%
Former Alaska Senator Mike Gravel (D) - 88.24% match
Illinois Senator Barack Obama (D) - 70.59%
New York Senator Hillary Clinton (D) - 67.65%
Former North Carolina Senator John Edwards (D) - 67.65%
Delaware Senator Joseph Biden (D) - 67.65%
Connecticut Senator Christopher Dodd (D) - 61.76%
New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson (D) - 61.76%

Just look! The number one candidate on my list is one of the representatives from the Lollipop Guild! I think he is the one in the middle, showboating as usual. Now, do I know my treasonous politics or what? God willing, I believe McCarthy would have my ass in a sling.

This is what it said about the other side of the aisle.

Businessman John Cox (R) - 32.35%
Texas Representative Ron Paul (R) - 32.35%
Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R) - 26.47%
Arizona Senator John McCain (R) - 20.59%
Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee (R) - 14.71%
Kansas Senator Sam Brownback (R) - 11.76%
Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney (R) - 11.76%
Colorado Representative Tom Tancredo (R) - 11.76%
California Representative Duncan Hunter (R) - 8.82%
Former Tennessee Senator Fred Thompson (R) - 5.88%

It's funny, I always fancied myself a McCain girl, but the survey doesn't lie. I guess I finally siphoned the AZ vemon from my veins.

Now I am off to bed, while visions Kucinich dance in my head...

the first step is admitting you have a problem

this one is mine.



i'm currently watching cell phones and bathroom scales. Both things I need, i'm just trying to find them for a cheaper price than what is currently being offered at stores.

the sad thing is that i really believe this.

oh say can you see?

this is the story of my visit to our fare nation's capitol. a story about when tourists stop acting nice and start acting real...
i should preface that my trip got of to a bumpy start, literally and figuratively. Apparently, AirTran at SeaTac International Airport is run by a bunch of slack-jawed in breeders. here is the set up they had going: stand in line for one of two kiosks. get your boarding pass. then stand in another line to check your baggage. don't most airlines streamline this process? oh, and they only had one person checking luggage! i cannot tell you how many people stood in the bag check line for this one woman to tell them they were in the wrong line and had to go stand in the other then stand in the current one all over again. half of the 6am flight were still trying to check in when the plane was schedule to take off, eh. i took me almost 2 hours to get TO the security line. if i can help it, i may never fly AirTran again. The thing that made it more exacerbating was having wendy and carnie wilson in aerobics gear in line ahead of me making fun of the way everyone who walked by FOR DRESSING FUNNY!!! for being such lame-o's, i called them the fitness and the fatness in my head. it helped me chuckle while being trapped with an earful of their fashion commentary.
once off the ground, i was out like a light. that is the nice thing about airplanes. i hate being on them, but can't stay awake long enough to care. However, there was some righteous turbulence on my connecting flight. these days i'm not a church goer, but there is something very special about in-flight bumps that bring out the hail mary's in me. i don't even know where the rosary came from.











Upon landing, i was greeted by my shaggy-haired lover. i must admit, i could not hold back the water works. i have missed him terribly for over a month now. So when I finally got to lay eyes on him again, i was a bit taken by my emotions.
While I was there, we went to Pennsylvania to visit his folks. We went to the Bloomsburg Fair. Apparently the only fair is the Bloomsburg Fair. I have to admit to not being as enchanted as I would have been if I were 10 or 15 years younger. As as side note, i'm sick and tired of this elephant ear regime. So, it was nice to partake in fry bread. McDreamy's family is very nice. Not to sound trite, but they truly are "down-to-earth" folks. As well his niece, nephew, younger sister and foster siblings are very sweet, cute and fun. i really felt welcomed while i was there. which was a relief. families have the ability to be burdensome when they find you disagreeable.

the final day of my stay was spent walking 500 miles and then walking 500 more. We went to the zoo and looked at many cute animals
After walking the extent our appetites would allow, we had a delicious dinner and even more delicious sangria. it was heavenly. we also got very sore feet. i was dense enough to where flip flops for the first part of our day about town.
after dinner and a shoe upgrade, we made our way to the monuments.
they were monumental, to say the very least. it was a lot of fun and at the end of the night, i had blisters on top of blisters to prove it.

the next day we bid adieu. again, i was taken by emotion. only this time, i could not get myself to recover. i wasn't sobbing or anything, but my eyes just would not stop producing tears. it was mildly embarrassing, but a nice man checking my boarding pass noticed i was upset. he asked me if i was leaving. i said yes. he said not to worry, because i would be back. it was strangely comforting. i like random acts of compassion. anyway, i had a lot of fun, but the trip was too short.

to close i want to say that we packed a lot into our short visit. i got to feel like a tourista and a local. however, of all the activities, this was my favorite and the thing i tend to miss most...

el fin

is the pessary half full or half empty?

i have a decision to make here. i have been on birth control since 1998. The reason was because i had flow issues. once a month i felt like the nile river at it's peak abundance and had killer cramps to boot. The option posed to me was the pill. I have been on various forms of hormonal contraception ever since. I switched pills a couple times. there was a brief stint where i had to space my periods, because i felt like a crazy person during menarche. then, moved onto the patch. i moved off after the big scare. i can be a chicken when my life depends on it. currently, i use the NuvaRing. I like it a lot. it is quite convenient to only have to think about birth control once a month. i was quite remiss about taking the pill. anyway, i've been starting to feel biologically cheated by my no-baby insurance. as a "non-cycling" woman, i don't get to experience the full range of monthly emotions. most of my life, post puberty, i have actively avoided mood swings and cramps. but what if i am a crazy woman? shouldn't i get to experience that without needing to be fixed? and cramps can be dealt with without ceasing the cycle. it is for this reason that i am considering IUD, but not just any IUD--paraguard! this is a non-hormonal, copper IUD. it is over 99% percent effective at preventing pregnancy, but would allow me to cycle regularly--maybe heavily and painfully. there are minor risks of uterine perforation, pelvic imflammatory disorder, and ectopic pregnancy. however, these risks are very low.
anyway, i wanted to see if my peeps had an opinion or knew someone whom had tried IUD.
i'm listening...

how drunk is too drunk?

this question would have been answered if you had seen me last night...
I was at SuKat's for girl's night in. which translated to drinking wine, eating cheese and gossiping about everything under the sun. i don't think i could count for you how many glasses of wine i had, but i had a couple too many. maybe my friends can recount this. after already being drunk i decided it was a good idea to go to the twilight exit for one more. on my way to the car i stepped in a hole in the grass and fell on my face. the made a big ouchie on my right shin. somewhere between girl's night in and the bar, i poked my eyelid. this also created a nice ouchie as well. at the bar i harrassed people and was just generally inappropriate for public consumption. i really hope i see myself in The Stranger's--Drunk of the Week, because i was in rare form and it was truly righteous!
when i got home, i brushed my teeth because my mouth tasted like fermented grape assholes. while brushing, i managed to gag myself and throw up in the sick. if you ever wondered, this WILL cause a clog. I also broke my soap dish and my ceramic virgin mary vase. i was able to glue mary back together. however, i think she is no longer full of grace as much as she is full of cracks. and the soap dish died on the table. which is a shame, because i really liked my soap dish. the topper is that my phone is currently located in a friend's Volkswagen Gulf.
so if you take nothing else away from my blog, take away this: one valuable lesson to learn, and better if it's not the hard way, don't let your drinking get away from you while you are in the middle of terribly missing your lover. it can only lead to hangovers and shame.

MEOW!

so i'm just sitting here eating left over thai and checking my emails, when my nostrils feel something tugging on them...





imagine the cutest kitty and translate that to stink. my nostrils burn!
being a crazy cat lady is almost as glamorous as being a parent!

the solitude of the traveling blouse

This little blouse had quite the day yesterday. She awoke to being stuffed into a bag. Then ripped out and put back in repeatedly, as her careless owner searched for countless items necessary for the daily function of life. Her owner left the apartment in a blur and as her wheels hit the pavement she realized why--she had left her glasses in the apartment. The action plan? Go inside and get them. The blouse and her owner rounded the back, grabbed the glasses, and rode off to work. Or so her owner thought...
when the owner--we'll call her me--when i got to the coffee shop, the shirt was not there. how curious. anyway, i had to wear the shirt of a man 3 times my size, since tank tops are against dress code. it was quite the sight i am sure. I worked in that oversize shirt all day and when I arrived at home, I looked everywhere. Unfortunately, ms. blousey could not be found. So, i did what any logical person would do and i put away my clean clothes. Still no sign of my beloved. all i could do was think of her and how scared she must be. all this distraction may have been a good thing, because the night before was a little bumpy and full of missing my lover. this blouse search kept my mind busy and got me through the night. when i awoke the next morning, she was the 1st thing i thought of. i knew i was in the rear of the apartment and came up the rear stairwell. it was just then that it occurred to me to trace my steps.
i walked out of my apartment toward the door to the stairwell. I opened the door and made my way to the exit. As a side note, it is a good thing i look at my feet when i walk. Otherwise, I may not have been reunited with my sweetheart. She was in a ball on top of the stairs.
big sigh of relief.
she is resting now. she had quite an eventful day yesterday.

the blog and the beautiful

Some of you know this person as Harpo, but as he is no longer harping he will from here on out be referred to as McDreamy. This is incidental to the good news at hand. and the good new is this--McDreamy is finally blogging!!!!
I can't tell you how excited I am or how excited I think you should be, but you don't have to take my word for it. Check it out for yourself, while picturing him in the pose above. Now you, too, can see all the ways in which he is witty and charming and all the other things that make me crazy about him!!

be well, do good work, and keep in touch

p.s. just an addendum: if you look at the video below you will see that McDreamy and ted are dressed quite similarly. and why are these two my heartthrobs??
p.p.s. McDreamy if far more handsome than ted though and i am a lucky girl.

Ted Leo - Since U Been Gone / Maps

greatest song ever!

phoenix fall out

friday night (8/31/07) was my last night in AZ, which always fills me with mixed emotions. For there are things I do appreciate about the valley. I appreciate seeing people of color and hearing spanish spoken without having to drive or take a bus to the south end of town. i appreciate that even the sub par mexican food is still pretty damn good. AZ has a couple vegetarian restaurants that seattle could never hold a candle to. Then there are my friends and family. However, there is also the blinding heat and the blatant bigots, a-holes, insert derogatory term here. On the other hand, I have my food, friends, and timid bigots in seattle. so much push and pull going on. this is even further exacerbated by the turmoil of my living situation, granted this is on the up and up, and the fact that my lover is far away. Regardless, I am homeward bound and absolutely needed to spend time with the folks I care about most before I go home.
During the day, I went bowling with my auntie and my mommy. we were terrible! which i think makes it more fun. i can't imagine being competitive at that recreation. The highlight of the afternoon was during one of my aunt's frames. her foot must have crossed the line or something, either way she lost her balance while on one foot. So, she hopped trying to regain her balance and landed in the left gutter. Then, she hopped again, still on one leg. I'm not sure if she landed on one leg or two, but she landed in the lane to the left of us and totally wiped out. I laughed so hard and am currently having a hard time typing this tale without wetting myself. She was mortified. She puts so much work into looking well kept and pulled together at all times, which is what i think made this even more hilarious. She rather reminds my of Hyacinth Bouquet on Keeping Up Appearances. (if you have never watched this show, you should.)
That night the photo lezbo, hippie hair, and i were supposed to go sing karaoke at some skeezey bar on the west side of town. When we arrived, we decided it was too skeezey even for us! so we went to the divey, faux Irish bar around the corner instead: o'brien's. this place wasn't anything special. what made the night was the drunk friend that was brought along. at one point i was trying to figure out photo lezbo's iphone and drunky magoo says, he goes: "turn the camera on, because i'm ready to make love to your face." it was a little more than i could keep to myself.
needless to say, the day was spent laughing my ass off.
in short, it was a fun trip, but i am so happy to be home.

who the hell is Rose M Eriksen?

and why did she call me? The number (906) 233-9416 came up on my caller ID on Aug 28th. After many encounters with collection agencies, I refuse to answer the phone if I don't recognize the number. Typically people leave a message, this person did not. So, I Googled the area code and found out it is a Michigan phone number. I don't know anyone in Michigan! So, I put the entire phone number in the search engine and it came up with Rose M Eriksen and her address. I typically strive for anonymity on my blog, but I figure if you're listed you're not too concerned with remaining anonymous.
let me know if you have any leads.

be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

stucco on you

Being in this desert wasteland is beginning to take it's toll. While visiting my home state, they have broken a record for number of consecutive days over 110 degrees. Previously, the record was 10. Then another milestone was broken: number of 110 plus temperatures in a year. The prior record was 28. With any luck, today will be 30. I'm all for setting goals and going beyond, however I think these are records worth leaving be.
Another thing that has begun to get my goat are all the "adobe style" edifices. Why, pray tell, does everything need to be terracotta? The air is drab, the natural landscape an unremarkable shade of taupe. Why on earth would anyone like the buildings to exhibit the some monochromatic lack of enthusiasm? If I were an architect in this desolate chasm, I would want everything that can take a coat of paint to be slathered in green--give the illusion that their is life in this barren dirt pit!
so when i get home, i am launching a full-scale attack on stucco: the worst exterior accent ever conceived of. Please sign my petition to let me know I can count on your support.

happy days

Once upon a time:







a man and a woman.















decided they couldn't imagine making anyone else's life miserable but each other's. they vowed to care and to hold in sickness and in health and tied the knot.




That was 26 years ago to the day. Which makes today my parent's 26th wedding anniversary!
26 years ago on this day: my mom had a melt down, my dad came through at the last possible second, and i had a poopy diaper.
they were married in las vegas and not much has changed since that day except that they have two more rug rats than they did 26 years prior. Here are the three of us caught in the act of being us.

















i think we've got a good thing going here and i'm glad that i got to be around to celebrate it!
Happy Days to my parents and to us, their bratty babies!


here's to a marriage that never jumps the shark!

the golden state: a play in three acts

This past weekend I was in California to visit family. For the most part, I did just that. However, one of the days I was there I tore away from sitting on the sofa while grandpa grumpy pants blasted Fox News. While away, I hung out with friends formerly from the valley of the sun and now just from the valley.

LIST OF CHARACTERS:
Hollywood PA, A young woman trying to make it in Hollywood as a personal assistant.
Disappearer, formerly the guitarist for the band, the myth and the legend: The Ponies. Currently, a library hand, hanging onto his glory days and reading far too many books.
me as myself.
ACTION:
Act I (This scene was devoted to setting up the characters and the plot. What had the three been up to? What secrets are they hiding.)
The evening began in Glendale at la casa de san marchi. The three had pizza, ate salad, watched a Ponies Documentary, and ate many roasted peas. Hollywood PA discussed her stint as a barista. Disappearer described the rise and fall of the Ponies empire. Me as myself talked about all the things you people are probably tired of hearing about. It was all very nice, I'm sure. When the three had said all there was to say, they decided to venture out of the casa.
Act II (getting some sugar)
The three climbed aboard their chariot, Sportacus, and set out on a journey far away from the place they had spent the last few hours of their existence together. Their destination: east Hollywood AKA the other side of Melrose. This area happened to be the bike district and me as myself was very tempted to go into one of the many shops and fondle all the beautiful bikes that would inevitably be too big. However, tonight was not the night for bi-wheeled pipe dreams. Besides, there were more important things at hand. The current mission was getting ice cream and i wasn't going to let a mission fail, not on my watch. The frozen lactose location: Scoops, tucked away in a cute area off of Melrose - filled with bike-shop co-ops and city college kids.
This place is the SHIT! Everyday they churn up unorthodox flavors of ice cream and keep the masses quite happy. The three were among the masses this very evening; partaking in hand-scoopes delicacies such as peanut butter, pistachio & orange water, and a madara concoction. Best ice cream ever thought of. Lessons learned: ice cream is heaven sent and Los Feliz is not pronounced (Fay-Lease), but instead (Fee-Lis)--these are among life's most important lessons. This part of the evening was magical, but it couldn't last forever no matter how hard the three protagonists tried. It was time to climb aboard Sportacus again and see where the evening would take them.
Act III (Hollywood ending)
The mood was that the evening was nearing an end. The protagonists drove around Fairfax, viewed the never-ending line at Pinks, and drove aimlessly around the vicinity of .
Just then, the phone rang (like it did about 300 times before that). But this time was different. This time it was the disappearer's Bakersfield friends calling us to tell us about . This was an interesting party, to say the least. Outside the party house was a group of wily, down-to-earth kids from Bakersfield. They were a riot! On the inside was a contingent of bitchy Armenian girls who were clearly uninterested in us. In the end, they killed the mood of the evening. The momentum of the protagonists was lost and they were forced to disband. Even though the end of the night was a bit sour, each one walked away knowing a little bit more about themselves. What they found out is that each one of them is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.
(We see me as myself walking across the football field as she thrusts her fist into the air in a silent cheer and freezes there.)