Tuesday, October 30, 2007

what's in a name?

this may be the 1st time i don't use pseudonyms! isn't that weird?
as many may know, I've been kicking around the idea of changing my name. my middle name is marie and i think it is just as useless as most middle names.
my grandfather must have felt the same way. as an adult he changed his middle name to Baca, his mother's maiden name. my plan has been to follow his lead and make my middle name Baca as well. Anyone who has received emails from me knows that I am already using this new middle name.
However, i've begun considering making this name change more drastic. this has been prompted by an overwhelming need to preserve my paternal grandmother's legacy.

OVERWHELMING NEED, form of panic attacks--YAY! the easy thing for me to do would be to go back to my roots as a big bitch and just generally being difficult to get along with. I'm sure some people may think I've already begun this tactic, but i actually haven't. the other thing that has occurred to me is that if my grandparents lived in a spanish-speaking country, my fathers surname would be Garcia Esquivel.
My current plan is to ignore the fact that my mother has a maiden name, because i have no socially defined identity tied to it, and take my father's hypothetical surname.
I think continuing this tradition might actually behoove me. I often struggle with the idea of producing offspring and whether or not they will have my last name. I feel I deserve to pass on my name, because i will be the one to carry the little "f"er! However, I think since dad passes on genetics that he deserves that honor, too. so, who would win? this just bugs me, because it wreaks of domination in what SHOULD be a co-equal relationship. With the Hispanic naming model mini-me can have both last names! this makes me less apprehensive about one day making a copy of my genetics in the form of a person.
this also seems less like name changing as it does taking back what's mine.
my only concern is whether my name will be too much after i pass the bar in a handful of years: ms. shannon baca garcia esquivel, esquire--you know i'm going to use the title, because me using it bucks the boys club mentality of higher education.
that's it. my eyes must now focus on other eyes watching god.