Tuesday, February 27, 2007

lackadaisical LSAT liasons

this past sunday i decided to bite the bullet and take an LSAT practice test. i don't know if anyone has participated in practice testing in preparation for a big exam, but let me tell you--make like nike and "just do it." these things are like time shares for students. you go in with a bunch of like minded people on the quest for handouts. the company hosting you gives you all sorts of free stuff. in the case of testing: you gain familiarity with the test structure, you find out the endurance required to take a long test, and you get to gauge at what level you are and what level you need to be. In return, the hosting company is banking on the fact that a percentage of all people that come through its doors will hand them a fist full of cash to take their preparation course. everyone walks away with something--i walked away with a backpack full of granola bars.
ultimately, i also walked away with some profound life lessons:
1) NEVER drink a tall coffee and down an orange juice right before sitting down to take an epic, timed-test. either that, or invest in a stadium buddy. however, you may want to take a page from david sedaris and employ this device while taking a practice test. you'll never know whether you can micturate while filling in test a bubble unless you do.
2) my score was just a handful of points below the average cornell law student score. The breakdown of the score stated that I am logically above average compared to most lay persons, but slightly below average when compared to competitive law students. ultimately what this means is that unless you're a competitive law student, i'm winning every fight.
3) i don't need to take a prep course. which is great, because i would have needed to sell an kidney in order to afford that $1300.00 price tage. way to dodge a bullet, shanny!
all in all, it was a worth while experience and i am confident that i will do well on the june 11th lsat test. if not, i will clean out my savings account to buy a pair of fire proof underwear and finally realize my dream of fighting dragons.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

sicky shanny

Just so you all know and feel sorry for me, i am SICK! i am plagued with allergies and they make me ill enough. however, it is very rare that i actually catch a cold. i'm usually too busy having sinus/respiratory infections for the common cold. but, somehow it caught me--or i caught it as the case may be. Though, i wasn't even trying to catch anything in the first place. so, i'm sticking with the "it caught me" story.
at this moment, i am currently upset with life and not speaking to it. once life apologizes to me for giving me a cold, i will fill you in on my misadventures in Family get Togehter land.
i'm going to go rest my leaky body before my next class now.
ciao for now!

Friday, February 16, 2007

snooze fest and a song

It was a long, long bus ride to the airport. Both the 174 and the 194 go from downtown to the place with the planes. I knew one of them is fast and the other is slow. however, i could not remember which was which. so, i got on the 1st one that came--the 174. incidentally, it's the 194 that's the quick one.
Once at the airport, security was a snail's pace--as per usual. Then there was a gate change, gotta love that, right? oh and the flight was over booked. so, we were packed in there like sardines. I was stuck in a row next to two raw jocks in training. totally awesome!
but i can't really complain. my bag was one of the 1st ones off the belt. and well, it actually arrived. which is more than i can say for the last time i flew alaska air.
Anyway, now i'm here in Pico Rivera, at my aunt's house. My dad, brother, and his girlfriend (lady crochet) arrived tonight as well. We're full of greasy mexican food and watching POPEYE. it doesn't get much better than this.
see you all in the morning!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

S.A.D. recap

Sadly, I did not have time to learn a new alphabet. I did not take into consideration the fact that I had school and work when I formulated this aspiration. However, I did sport the colors. SEE?! (Just so you know, I knit my top.)

Two of my favorite friends in class also sported the colors with pride. One of them even made me Single Awareness Day flowers.
Work was a total snore and I spent a good portion of it Blogging for Hilltop Yarn. For lunch I ate at the Macrina Bakery for the first time. It was way yummy. If you've never been I suggest you go. The food is amazing and they make a mean cup of Joe.
After I got off work, I walked home and then to heart of the Ballard neighborhood. By that point, I was quite famished. Good thing I was having dinner cooked for me by the lover I've recently added to my collection. Harpo made portobello mushroom caps, salad, green beans, AND mashed potatoes. As well, there was cheesecake. It was all so delicious. He really out did himself and proved his good listening skills. He made all my favorite foods! If after a week of dating, he knows a decent portion of the things that make me very happy, I'd say he's paying attention to me and is worth keeping around for at least a little bit.
Anyway, I didn't get the homework or packing done that I had hoped to. I allow boys to distract me a little more than I should. Though, I would say in retrospect it was worth it. I had quite a lovely Single Awareness Day.
I hope you did, too. Now we can all get on with out lives and tune in to our regularly scheduled Black History Month

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

An Anti-Valentine's Dissertation

the worst day ever, guess which one? V-day, 2001.
I was on the verge of hair catastrophe--literal catastrophe! like I am so not even kidding. I could go into details, but I am assuming you care even less to hear about it than I care to tell you about it. at any rate, the only answer was surgery. it had to come off. keep in mind, I hadn't had short hair since I was 10 and let my drunk uncle give me a "trim." short hair was a devastating idea for me, but I had to face it. when they wheeled me into the recovery room and let me look at myself, I was devastated.
I needed to self medicate, so I went to the mall. I picked out my v-day outfit: cute black, cap sleeve shirt with an even cuter red, knee-length skirt. Still not hyped on the hair. So, I did what any rational gal in my position would do, I bought a red sparkly headband. yay!
well, the night was upon me and it was seriously cold. My thought was pants! pants under skirts were way in style back then. So, I put black pants under my red skirt. way cute! next challenge to conquer--flippy faux sideburns. my hair had been long for so long, I’d forgotten that it was curly. the flippies would not be subdued, so I stuck the headband on and convinced myself of my undying cuteness.
the doood comes over--we'll call him bahama-vention.
guess what the 1st thing he said was? I’ll give you a hint. it wasn't happy valentine's day. not I love you. not even hello. it was: "what's wrong with your hair?" on the way to the restaurant, Los Dos Molinos, he made a comment about my outfit being embarrassing and some other ass facey comment. I had expectations of a good evening. included in those expectations was not the idea that I’d be crying before I set my foot on pavement. so, I told him we could have a nice meal or he could continue to be an asshole. he opted for nice dinner.
while we waited for a table a handful of random strangers came up to me and complimented me for everything bahama-vention had insulted me for. it was sweet bliss. I grinned to myself. a couple weeks later, I went on a date with an ex-boyfriend and bahama-vention and I broke up.
From that day forward I vowed to never celebrate v-day again and I’m sticking to it.
so, now let's nevermind that I am having dinner with a man that evening. it is not for v-day. in fact it is only because we're both going out of town on Thursday.
So don't give me no crap!!

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Death to Cupid

Well I want everyone to close your eyes, take a deep breath and reflect. Think about what you were doing this time last year and now think think about what you're doing right now--thinking about how you haven't gotten your lover a gift! Ok. Great. Have I got your heart good and pumping? Well, relax. It's not too late to purchase something meaningful for your loved one(s). However, it will be soon--very soon. So, don't put it off until wednesday. I promise you'll regret it.
If you are in the "do-gooder" boat that really wants to woo mr/ms/mrs/miss with something special, I have some tips for you. I have been watching a lot of television this month, so I know what I am talking about here.
so, without further ado. Here they are:

The Manic Hispanic's Top 10 Tips for a Successful V-Day!
Tip #1: No expensive jewelry. Actually. No jewelry period. This is the worst idea ever and I'll tell you why. One word--ANNIVERSARY!!! If you do jewelry on v-day then you have to one-up-yourself on the important relationship milestones! So do yourself a favor and low ball this one.
Tip #2: chocolates and flowers are trite, but safe. If you don't want to rock the boat, stick with this one. However, if you do want to rock the boat buy something practical that they would never ever buy for themselves, like a belt or an electronics adapter. I guarantee sparks will fly.
Tip #3: Pajama Gram and Vermont Teddy Bear--don't even go there. If I have to repeat myself I will rain fire and brimstone upon everything you hold near and dear. Trust me and just don't go there!
Tip #4: buying sexy underwear intended for your partner's use is inconsiderate at best. "here, special lover. i bought you a gift to put on and prance around for me, while i drink a beer and pretend to be interested. do you like it?" However, if you must buy sexy underwear--wear it yourself and strut, strut, strut!!
Tip #5: Don't give away cards written by someone else. You're better off not giving a card at all!
Tip #6: Don't listen to me. What the hell do I know anyway?
Tip #7: Romantic is a picnic and slow dancing at the space needle--not dinner at the olive garden.
Tip #8: Turn your phone off for the day. You wouldn't believe how nice it is to have someone's undivided attention for a day--even if it IS the worst day of the year!
Tip #9: No cliches. Try to be genuine for a day. It will only sting for a second.
and lastly...
Tip #10: what ever you do NO SCENTED CANDLES!!! worst gift ever.

Now see, doesn't Single's Awareness Day seem much better than this? You don't have to worry about any of this crap!

Happy Day to all!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

he tried to kill independant shanny

So, the other night I went out with Sasha Wigglesworth. We started out by going to Walgreen’s and buying painfully domestic items making us look like lesbian life partners—especially considering that I was carrying her toilet paper around the store and she was buying medicine for her cat. I felt like yelling: "we're only lesbians from the waist up!!"
Then, we went to some hole-in-the-wall, dive bar. I ended up drinking a little much, as it is what I do. I also ended up dancing a bit, as that is also what I do. When the bartender laid down the law, and by that I mean the "it's 2 am, get out of my dirty bar" law, we decided we absolutely needed pizza. We went to QFC. We picked up two cheese pizzas, muchos chips and ice cream. This seemed like the best possible idea. YAY!
We took are smorgasbord of crap to Boz Scabs’ apartment. While we were there, this boy kept insisting I sit by him. For the sake of this conversation, we will call him Cap'n Underpants. So, Cap'n Underpants kept putting his little boy arm around my man eater shoulders and whenever I tried to talk to my friends, Cap'n Underpants kept pulling me back under his chicken little wing. I'm an enthusiastic gal—incidentally, not so enthusiastic about a tether. For cripe's sake! I'm a person, not a bird of prey! During the course of the evening he asked if I was "taken." I replied "no. I don't get taken" and he said that was surprised that a great gal like me wasn't "taken." this was all too juvenile for me to take in all at once. I didn't know from which angle to attack it.
First, there was the Cap’n’s choice of words. Why the hell do I need to be taken? This implies an element of ownership that I am just not comfortable with. It’s not like I’m a really nice handbag that you come across at Value Village and think: “geez, why isn’t this taken?”
When we're not taken, are we really always looking? That doesn't seem like a productive way to live and appreciate life. If I were actually taken, then I wouldn't be able to get drunk and make out with strangers! And, as we all know, this is my life's work.
Also, does the fact that I am not owned by anyone make me a less great gal? Because, in case you need me to tell you, I am a very great gal! I’m so great, I've got greatness spilling out of my butt!
Then there was the fact that it all felt so high school. "Are you taken? No. And you? No" BAM!! True love! yea. I don't really think so.
I'm not really sure what he was thinking, but I'm quite sure I would probably crush him.
I don't need empty proclamations about me being awesome. I know I'm awesome! I'm my number one fan. What I want to hear is insightful evidence of what makes me awesome. I don’t need to be convinced that I’m fabulous, but I need to be convinced that this fact is fully understood.
I also know that one could never hope to comprehend and embrace all of my complexities in one drunken evening. Anyone who attempts this will always seem patronizing. That's my rule
However, the most compelling reason why I could not find it in myself to jive with Cap'n Underpants--it's too close to Single's Awareness Day! I look forward to this day every year and he wanted to steal that from me. He wanted to try to make me celebrate VALENTINE'S DAY! How dare he?!? Independent Shanny would be crushed; she needs this day.
This is the most significant reason why I had to wriggle myself out of his vice grip and get the hell out of dodge. It was the most liberating hung over bus ride ever!
This event has given me the feeling that this month will be a battle for my soul. I'll have only my cunning to protect me. I'll have to be on my toes, but I think I can thwart any evil attempt at evasive charm tactics that I may encounter.
So far the war tally is BOYS: 0 SINGLE'S AWARENESS DAY: 1
Evil doers beware! In this mission, failure is not an option

Thursday, February 01, 2007

heartache or toothache?

Well, it's that time of year again. the time when all the couples in the world pair up and forget the existence of all other human life. actually, my truthiness statistic shows that nearly 90% of all couples break up on or around Valentine's Day. If you have not experienced this phenomenon, then you're dodging a bullet that surely cannot be dodged for much longer.
My point? I find it better to celebrate a different holiday than the violent, fat, naked baby holiday pushed by greeting card and chocolate companies. What's the holiday you ask? Why it's Single's Awareness Day! On this day you will find me in neither pink nor red, for the colours of S.A.D are navy and chartreuse.
How do you celebrate this wonderful holiday? Another good question.

My suggestions include:
1. name a pinata after an ex-partner. the difference between the pinata and your ex is that there is actually sweetness inside a pinata.
2. for every nice thing you say to a single person, say 5 not-so-nice things to that obnoxious couple ahead of you in line for [insert errand here]. you know who they are: "no i love you more, schmoopy." (or just go out of your way to do something really nice. like when you're buying your local homeless-run newspaper, like i know you were already planning on doing anyway, give them an extra dollar.)
3. fly a kite and/or catch raindrops on your tongue (these are climate-based suggestions).
4. get a foot and/or hand massage. whether you're a man or a woman, your hands and feet work hard and deserve it.
5. replace one green vegetable in your meals with dessert all day, and if you were already planning on eating dessert--double dessert
6. just get rid of that box of letters already!
7. part your hair on the opposite side, so you can see how you look to other people.
8. learn the alphabet in a foreign language (or learn the alphabet of your native tongue)
9. try a new food you always thought you would hate, but this time do it pretending you've always thought you'd love it. (this is especially good for people IN relationships to do w/o their significant other. this is good because there isn't anyone there to say "i knew you'd like it!" it can be your little secret).
10. get ridiculously dressed up and go to the grocery store. you'll feel like a celebrity--everyone will stop and look at you.

the great thing about this holiday is that you don't actually have to be single to celebrate it. just like you don't have to be African American to celebrate Black History Month, which I might add is this month as well. You just have to be willing to spend a consumer holiday not being a consumer whore! instead, grab a pal (your Single Awareness Partner) and do whatever fills your fancy--you know you want to!
Let me know if you want me to be your S.A.P., I'll be learning a new alphabet.