Thursday, August 30, 2007

who the hell is Rose M Eriksen?

and why did she call me? The number (906) 233-9416 came up on my caller ID on Aug 28th. After many encounters with collection agencies, I refuse to answer the phone if I don't recognize the number. Typically people leave a message, this person did not. So, I Googled the area code and found out it is a Michigan phone number. I don't know anyone in Michigan! So, I put the entire phone number in the search engine and it came up with Rose M Eriksen and her address. I typically strive for anonymity on my blog, but I figure if you're listed you're not too concerned with remaining anonymous.
let me know if you have any leads.

be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

stucco on you

Being in this desert wasteland is beginning to take it's toll. While visiting my home state, they have broken a record for number of consecutive days over 110 degrees. Previously, the record was 10. Then another milestone was broken: number of 110 plus temperatures in a year. The prior record was 28. With any luck, today will be 30. I'm all for setting goals and going beyond, however I think these are records worth leaving be.
Another thing that has begun to get my goat are all the "adobe style" edifices. Why, pray tell, does everything need to be terracotta? The air is drab, the natural landscape an unremarkable shade of taupe. Why on earth would anyone like the buildings to exhibit the some monochromatic lack of enthusiasm? If I were an architect in this desolate chasm, I would want everything that can take a coat of paint to be slathered in green--give the illusion that their is life in this barren dirt pit!
so when i get home, i am launching a full-scale attack on stucco: the worst exterior accent ever conceived of. Please sign my petition to let me know I can count on your support.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

happy days

Once upon a time:

a man and a woman.

decided they couldn't imagine making anyone else's life miserable but each other's. they vowed to care and to hold in sickness and in health and tied the knot.

That was 26 years ago to the day. Which makes today my parent's 26th wedding anniversary!
26 years ago on this day: my mom had a melt down, my dad came through at the last possible second, and i had a poopy diaper.
they were married in las vegas and not much has changed since that day except that they have two more rug rats than they did 26 years prior. Here are the three of us caught in the act of being us.

i think we've got a good thing going here and i'm glad that i got to be around to celebrate it!
Happy Days to my parents and to us, their bratty babies!

here's to a marriage that never jumps the shark!

the golden state: a play in three acts

This past weekend I was in California to visit family. For the most part, I did just that. However, one of the days I was there I tore away from sitting on the sofa while grandpa grumpy pants blasted Fox News. While away, I hung out with friends formerly from the valley of the sun and now just from the valley.

Hollywood PA, A young woman trying to make it in Hollywood as a personal assistant.
Disappearer, formerly the guitarist for the band, the myth and the legend: The Ponies. Currently, a library hand, hanging onto his glory days and reading far too many books.
me as myself.
Act I (This scene was devoted to setting up the characters and the plot. What had the three been up to? What secrets are they hiding.)
The evening began in Glendale at la casa de san marchi. The three had pizza, ate salad, watched a Ponies Documentary, and ate many roasted peas. Hollywood PA discussed her stint as a barista. Disappearer described the rise and fall of the Ponies empire. Me as myself talked about all the things you people are probably tired of hearing about. It was all very nice, I'm sure. When the three had said all there was to say, they decided to venture out of the casa.
Act II (getting some sugar)
The three climbed aboard their chariot, Sportacus, and set out on a journey far away from the place they had spent the last few hours of their existence together. Their destination: east Hollywood AKA the other side of Melrose. This area happened to be the bike district and me as myself was very tempted to go into one of the many shops and fondle all the beautiful bikes that would inevitably be too big. However, tonight was not the night for bi-wheeled pipe dreams. Besides, there were more important things at hand. The current mission was getting ice cream and i wasn't going to let a mission fail, not on my watch. The frozen lactose location: Scoops, tucked away in a cute area off of Melrose - filled with bike-shop co-ops and city college kids.
This place is the SHIT! Everyday they churn up unorthodox flavors of ice cream and keep the masses quite happy. The three were among the masses this very evening; partaking in hand-scoopes delicacies such as peanut butter, pistachio & orange water, and a madara concoction. Best ice cream ever thought of. Lessons learned: ice cream is heaven sent and Los Feliz is not pronounced (Fay-Lease), but instead (Fee-Lis)--these are among life's most important lessons. This part of the evening was magical, but it couldn't last forever no matter how hard the three protagonists tried. It was time to climb aboard Sportacus again and see where the evening would take them.
Act III (Hollywood ending)
The mood was that the evening was nearing an end. The protagonists drove around Fairfax, viewed the never-ending line at Pinks, and drove aimlessly around the vicinity of .
Just then, the phone rang (like it did about 300 times before that). But this time was different. This time it was the disappearer's Bakersfield friends calling us to tell us about . This was an interesting party, to say the least. Outside the party house was a group of wily, down-to-earth kids from Bakersfield. They were a riot! On the inside was a contingent of bitchy Armenian girls who were clearly uninterested in us. In the end, they killed the mood of the evening. The momentum of the protagonists was lost and they were forced to disband. Even though the end of the night was a bit sour, each one walked away knowing a little bit more about themselves. What they found out is that each one of them is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.
(We see me as myself walking across the football field as she thrusts her fist into the air in a silent cheer and freezes there.)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

it's all about me!

err... my pictures anyway...

if you are reading this, there are probably some of you and you should check 'em out!

peace out, bitches.

Monday, August 20, 2007

my life as a soap opera

This is the drama that I have had to deal with for the last month in the form of email conversations. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the involved parties, no matter how not worth it they may be.

Manic Hispanic says:
we need to discuss a couple things regarding your move out date. do you know when it is? i will be out of town aug 16-sept 1. i foresee that i will not be in town when you leave.
my tentative plan is to give slim jeans my keys so she can begin moving in once you begin vacating and check on the cats food supply. this all depends on what works best for you. would you like slim jeans to begin checking on the cats before or after you move out? i've assumed it's ok for her to begin some light moving before you're officially out. is this actually ok? or is it not?
also, mr. rental man in planning on dropping off the lease for slim jeans and myself to sign. your signature is not required. if you could leave that on the coffee table or my laptop (or any other place that is visible) that would be great.
last thing, i'm dog sitting for a woman in shoreline which is why i've only been passing through in the AM to feed and water the cats and to scoop poop.

Sluggo says: I'll be leaving around the 23rd-25th. SJ is more than welcome to start moving her stuff in early as long as she pays me $200 for her half of the security deposit and you pay me $250 for your half of the pet deposit. She doesn't need to take care of the cats until I leave,
I can take care of them. But you should give me her phone number so
we can communicate while you're out of town. And I haven't yet seen
the lease in case you were looking for it.

MH: I'll pass this on to SJ.
As far as the $250 goes, I will not be able to pay you until I get my financial aid money. School starts Sept 26. So, I would imagine it will be in my bank account by the 17th. It may be earlier, but I can't imagine it will come later. So, you will need to leave a forwarding address for me to mail a cashier's check or pay pal account information. Sorry if this is inconvenient. However, it is the only way you will actually get the money, as opposed to a bouncing check.

Hey manic hisanic-

I'd really like to have SJ's phone number or email address before
you leave town so her I and I can communicate in your absence.

MH: SJ did not say it was ok for me to give out her contact information, but that shouldn't be too much of an issue.

What i figure will work best, is if you call or text me when you are officially out, leave the keys on the kitchen table or in the basket on the coffee table, and i will let SJ know that the apartment is ready to move into. She will have my keys to get in and out of the building. So, you don't need to worry about coordinating that.

If there is anything that comes up that is imperative for you communicate to her, it can be relayed through me. (i.e. cat issues, etc...)

S: Hey. I can't move out until September 12. I hope that's okay.

MH: that is actually NOT ok. 5 days is not enough notice to change plans so drastically. SJ and i are signing the lease to begin on Sept 1st. Devon told her current roommates that she would be out by Sept 1st. Your room is SJ's and SJ's room is someone else's on Sept 1st. this was all based on you communicating that you would be out by the 25th. SJ has a rental truck scheduled for the 25th. If you stay behind, you will need to reimburse her for costs incurred in the duration.
in short, this is not going to work and you need to figure out something else.

this next response was written as an addendum to the previous.

MH: Alright, SJ and i spoke to the leasing office.
It is our hope that you can be out by the 1st. However, we can be a bit flexible.
If you stay through the 12th, you are responsible for your entire share of September's rent. SJ is neither obligated nor interested in splitting this with you. this was verbally confirmed when SJ went in to discuss the technicalities of the lease and the possible impact of your refusal to vacate.
Also, she will need to move her stuff into that bedroom on September 1st. So, you will need to have your things out of there by that date. In addition, you will need to relinquish your keys to SJ or myself on the 1st of September. Since you are encroaching upon a verbal contract, we shall not attempt to work around your schedule.
Another thing to note, you would typically need to pay a $250.00 fee for vacating the apartment early. We were not previously considering deducting this from your deposit, but are seriously considering it at this time.
Ultimately, you need to do what you need to do. It is not our wish for you to be homeless for two weeks. However, there are various monetary repercussions that are within our legal right to exhaust should you choose to stay.

S: Well I was kinda counting on the $450 you and her owe me and I can't
afford to drive down without it so I need to work for another
paycheck. I'm still on the lease until Sept. 1st so SJ shouldn't
have rented a truck for the 25th. If you want me to leave as
scheduled I'm gonna need that money.

MH: The way it is going to work is that you will get your money if you leave as scheduled. The longer you stay, the deeper the hole you dig. Much like if you were vacating at the proper time, you can't count on getting paid in advance. Something you should have considered is that you need to leave the former lessor with a forwarding address. A landlord is not going to take it on good faith that you deserve your security deposit in full. This is especially true because you are breaking a legally binding contract. The are monetary consequences for breaking contracts in all areas of life. I find it hard to believe that you did not consider this in your decision to move. Incidentally, money was not an issue when we all thought you would vacate without a hitch. SJ and I both believed we were being gracious to pay you money when typically you would lose money. We have now decided that the more burdensome you make this, the less money you will receive. Don't take for granted that a lease is a business transaction and the old adage holds true: time is money. You are not owed or entitled anything until you fulfill your end of the bargain. So just do what it takes to be out by the 31st, so SJ can move in on the 1st. Besides, if you need the $450.00 so badly, I don't know why you would want to incur an additional month's rent along with accompanying expenses.

can anyone guess how happy i will be when this bitch is finally gone?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

stop the insanity!!!

have you ever had an epiphany? a moment where the whole world stops to slap you in the face and shout: "DUH!"?

i had one such moment just the other day. Some of you may figure it out before the tale is done, but should stick around for the adventure.
just a little background, i work at Hilltop Yarn on Queen Anne hill in Seattle, WA. Some might ask whether this is a great yarn shop or the greatest yarn shop.
Anyway, there is a woman that I have helped a handful of times while at the shop. This woman is very intense--one of the most intense women I have ever met in my life. You can tell that she is used to commanding the attention of many. She is also in amazing shape. you can tell that she is probably older than she appears, but looks much better than you do all the same. I have never given her much thought other than the brief analysis described above which runs through my mind every time I help her. occasionally she pays with her credit card. On one such occasion, i looked at it and thought to myself: "that's funny. she has the same name as fitness guru, Susan Powter."

For a brief moment i thought to myself that it seemed like that should be a pretty unique name. however, i managed to quickly write it off as irony and never thought of it again. Never thought if it until the other day when i was talking with my co-worker, ms kitten. she mentioned that she had just helped fitness guru, Susan Powter, she was in the shop looking for the most fabulous shrug pattern right now. Then I remembered that the exercise diva lives in the area. i thought to myself that she must be a pretty intense person. And that's when a light switched on in my head and said: !!!!
It was probably a good thing that I never knew who she was before, because I get painfully star struck. I would hate for her to have to get a restraining order against me and then subsequently stop shopping at the greatest yarn store.
however, i also know that she is a genius of fit and i am the genius of sit. i've heard that she teaches a class called trailer park yoga where women are drastically dropping dress sizes. i need her "stop the insanity" determination and control.
i can only hope that she never comes into the shop while i'm working again. this way i will never have to actually face this dilemma head on.
save me jeebus!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

slow and steady vs. fast and furious

Well, I did it. I went through the postpartum doula training at the Seattle Midwifery School. Typically, the program is broken up over two weekends. However, I currently work in retail and it is difficult to get two weekends in a row off. So, when I saw that they offered a 4-day block in August, I jumped for it.
In hindsight, there is probably a reason they typically break it up. Ahhh, hindsight. Anyway, they were 4 information-packed days. By the end of it, I was pooped!
Now, I am well on my way to doula certification. If anyone knows someone that wants a doula and would like to help me achieve this, they can have me free for one week! And if they need me longer than a week, my rates will be relatively low until I have acquired my certification.
keep your ears to the ground, soldiers.

be well, do good work, and keep in touch.