Saturday, February 10, 2007

Death to Cupid

Well I want everyone to close your eyes, take a deep breath and reflect. Think about what you were doing this time last year and now think think about what you're doing right now--thinking about how you haven't gotten your lover a gift! Ok. Great. Have I got your heart good and pumping? Well, relax. It's not too late to purchase something meaningful for your loved one(s). However, it will be soon--very soon. So, don't put it off until wednesday. I promise you'll regret it.
If you are in the "do-gooder" boat that really wants to woo mr/ms/mrs/miss with something special, I have some tips for you. I have been watching a lot of television this month, so I know what I am talking about here.
so, without further ado. Here they are:

The Manic Hispanic's Top 10 Tips for a Successful V-Day!
Tip #1: No expensive jewelry. Actually. No jewelry period. This is the worst idea ever and I'll tell you why. One word--ANNIVERSARY!!! If you do jewelry on v-day then you have to one-up-yourself on the important relationship milestones! So do yourself a favor and low ball this one.
Tip #2: chocolates and flowers are trite, but safe. If you don't want to rock the boat, stick with this one. However, if you do want to rock the boat buy something practical that they would never ever buy for themselves, like a belt or an electronics adapter. I guarantee sparks will fly.
Tip #3: Pajama Gram and Vermont Teddy Bear--don't even go there. If I have to repeat myself I will rain fire and brimstone upon everything you hold near and dear. Trust me and just don't go there!
Tip #4: buying sexy underwear intended for your partner's use is inconsiderate at best. "here, special lover. i bought you a gift to put on and prance around for me, while i drink a beer and pretend to be interested. do you like it?" However, if you must buy sexy underwear--wear it yourself and strut, strut, strut!!
Tip #5: Don't give away cards written by someone else. You're better off not giving a card at all!
Tip #6: Don't listen to me. What the hell do I know anyway?
Tip #7: Romantic is a picnic and slow dancing at the space needle--not dinner at the olive garden.
Tip #8: Turn your phone off for the day. You wouldn't believe how nice it is to have someone's undivided attention for a day--even if it IS the worst day of the year!
Tip #9: No cliches. Try to be genuine for a day. It will only sting for a second.
and lastly...
Tip #10: what ever you do NO SCENTED CANDLES!!! worst gift ever.

Now see, doesn't Single's Awareness Day seem much better than this? You don't have to worry about any of this crap!

Happy Day to all!