Thursday, February 01, 2007

heartache or toothache?

Well, it's that time of year again. the time when all the couples in the world pair up and forget the existence of all other human life. actually, my truthiness statistic shows that nearly 90% of all couples break up on or around Valentine's Day. If you have not experienced this phenomenon, then you're dodging a bullet that surely cannot be dodged for much longer.
My point? I find it better to celebrate a different holiday than the violent, fat, naked baby holiday pushed by greeting card and chocolate companies. What's the holiday you ask? Why it's Single's Awareness Day! On this day you will find me in neither pink nor red, for the colours of S.A.D are navy and chartreuse.
How do you celebrate this wonderful holiday? Another good question.

My suggestions include:
1. name a pinata after an ex-partner. the difference between the pinata and your ex is that there is actually sweetness inside a pinata.
2. for every nice thing you say to a single person, say 5 not-so-nice things to that obnoxious couple ahead of you in line for [insert errand here]. you know who they are: "no i love you more, schmoopy." (or just go out of your way to do something really nice. like when you're buying your local homeless-run newspaper, like i know you were already planning on doing anyway, give them an extra dollar.)
3. fly a kite and/or catch raindrops on your tongue (these are climate-based suggestions).
4. get a foot and/or hand massage. whether you're a man or a woman, your hands and feet work hard and deserve it.
5. replace one green vegetable in your meals with dessert all day, and if you were already planning on eating dessert--double dessert
6. just get rid of that box of letters already!
7. part your hair on the opposite side, so you can see how you look to other people.
8. learn the alphabet in a foreign language (or learn the alphabet of your native tongue)
9. try a new food you always thought you would hate, but this time do it pretending you've always thought you'd love it. (this is especially good for people IN relationships to do w/o their significant other. this is good because there isn't anyone there to say "i knew you'd like it!" it can be your little secret).
10. get ridiculously dressed up and go to the grocery store. you'll feel like a celebrity--everyone will stop and look at you.

the great thing about this holiday is that you don't actually have to be single to celebrate it. just like you don't have to be African American to celebrate Black History Month, which I might add is this month as well. You just have to be willing to spend a consumer holiday not being a consumer whore! instead, grab a pal (your Single Awareness Partner) and do whatever fills your fancy--you know you want to!
Let me know if you want me to be your S.A.P., I'll be learning a new alphabet.