Tuesday, June 26, 2007

This I believe...

I believe what's good enough for National Public Radio is good enough for me...

This marks the first installment, in a number yet to be specified, of "This I Believe: The Wild Goose Chases and Whimsical Fantasy That I Center My Life Around"

I believe in fairy tales and carbohydrates. I believe in flights of fancy and bouts of binge drinking. I believe in unicorns and love, and John Denver above. I also believe in Diamonds. Not the sparkly gems that justify the drilling and de-beautification of South Africa by De Beers, but instead the Diamonds that have brought pleasure to the cohorts of my generation.

Dustin and Mike Diamond.

After seeing the Beastie Boys in May and watching Celebrity Fit Club on television the other night, I was completely overtaken with a desire to believe that these two are in fact brothers. Mike and Dustin's noses, chins, and current hair do's bear a striking resemblance. It could only be true, right? This desire turned obsession managed to keep me awake for an entire hour before I began obsessing about my financial situation. When I awoke the next day,I cruised the interweb and located a few websites that backed up my theory. Let me tell you, I was thrilled. Just think, if the "D-man" is in fact packing heat (like he announced on Celebrity Fit Club) then maybe Mike D's nuts do in fact warrant a lyrical shout out!

Currently my roommate, queen of BuzzKilLandia, has been completely overtaken with a desire to make me to believe that this is all an elaborate hoax. She, too, found websites that make her nay saying credible. However, i currently don't give a rats ass. Maybe I wanted the connection to be real so badly that I only looked at websites that confirmed my suspicions, but what the hell does Wikipedia know anyway? They let people like this guy write up rodomontades about their notoriety and vast fame. I know this guy. The only thing he is notorious for is saying stupid shit like "i'm your ticket into the scene" and for making air paddles when he walks. He's a nice guy who perfectly proves the non-truthiness of wikipedia.

I digress. Back to the lecture at hand:

This I believe: the two Diamonds are siblings and if I have have the fortune of one day meeting Mike D I plan on asking him: "do you remember that one time when you were Screech's brother? Was that a hoax?"