he loves me...he loves me not...where is he?

I am looking for a man.
This is not an all-encompassing search that occupies the fullness of my being. It does not define who I am. It is as innocuous as my red hoop earrings. Yes, they are big and perhaps they do draw your eye at first. However, after awhile you stop noticing them. They never cease to exist. They do not turn to vapor on my earlobes, but their noteworthiness diminishes—like a dandelion in a steady breeze. Much like the dandelion, though my spores are often blown about leaving me with nothing to show, my presence means the planting of love all around me. I am the fertilizer of love. The seed, the bud, the promise, the hope.
Today, I saw a dapper man crossing the street. He is the kind of man who sends out his shirts for cleaning. His collar smacked of starch. He has a medicine cabinet full of grooming supplies. His nails are clean. He has crisp edges. He is a well-presented package.

He is of no interest to me.

Just as I am of no interest to him. My image made no reflection on his pupils. I felt him pass right through me. It looked like he felt a chill, but perhaps I flatter myself. I am his inverse. We don’t even exist on the same plane.

I am not looking for him.

My someone has dirty nails and nasal sprays. His socks are mismatched and his hair is unkempt. He is rough around the edges and soft to the core. He has become a bit desperate. He is not desperate in the way that causes him to long for a woman—any woman. He is desperate in the way that causes him to let go of pretenses and allow himself to freely give and receive love.

My heart is big. My heart is full. My heart longs share the bounty of its riches.

My someone knows he is worth more than his current appraisal. He has taken his lumps and, at the end of the day when the sun sets on his troubles, he finds solace in the act of his fingers interlacing and commingling with my mine. He is comforted by the compression of our palms.
When we collapse into bed, my head fits perfectly in the crook between his shoulder blades and the rhythmic beating of our hearts combined creates a symphonic opus. It is the sound of one million butterflies fluttering their wings in unison. All the while we sleep and dream of our gravest fears that otherwise have no power to burden us for during waking hours of togetherness, they are pushed to the inarticulate corners of our consciousness. They come in passing and, on their best days, are vaguely remembered in passing.
As we breathe, the rise and fall of our lungs in like the rising and setting of the sun. So, when we finally awake, it feels as though we have shared countless sunrises and sunsets in the span of 7 hours.
When we meet on the street in the dead of winter, we embrace and the warmth of his breath fogs my glasses. When this happens, he traces the shape of a heart on my lenses with his finger. His love clouds my vision.

Our love is like the sweetest Popsicle and the most quenching lemonade on the hottest of days. It is the moment, when holding your breath, right before you are forced to pass out or let go.

It is a head rush and I want it.