Women 200
“This Morning”
This morning began the same as most. At 7:00am, the alarm war began. Sleep was defeated by 7:30am. I got out of bed, disrobed, weighed myself, hopped into the shower and performed my ritual in a blur. I washed my hair, with Curly Sexy Hair shampoo and conditioner; lathered up, with organic bar soap; shaved head-toe-toe; exfoliated my face, using Aveeno facial scrub; rinsed; and hopped out as quickly as I hopped in. Before drying, I put on a kettle for tea and popped bread in the toaster. After toweling off, I put on the clothes I laid out the night before—a cute, short-sleeved, zip-up hooded sweatshirt riddled with miniature, multi-colored hearts; black, elastic-waist Capri pants; and comfy flip flops. Once adorably clad, I brushed my teeth, with Tom’s of Maine toothpaste; moisturized my face, with Dove facial lotion; applied my Earth Science, all-natural hippy deodorant and baptized myself with Bath & Body Works Coconut Lime Verbena body splash. For breakfast, I crammed two slices of buttered flax seed toast into my gullet and slammed down a cup of organic Oolong tea. I quickly blow dried my hair and rubbed Ice molder styling product into it. Before racing out the door, I fed the cats, grabbed a Clif Bar and strapped on my pink floral, Velo Bella bike helmet. I locked the door and hopped on my bicycle, university bound.
I pride myself in being aware of the ways in which gender is constructed. The things I consume and my routine primarily center on my obsession with longevity. Hence, I primarily use all-natural products and eat organic. However, there are some elements of the “putting Shannon together” process that are distinctly affected by my gender identity. I do not shave often. In fact, I almost never shave. The reason I shaved this particular morning was because I knew I was going to see my boyfriend that evening and, as much as it pains me to admit, I cannot feel sexual while I have hair in “places I should not.” Also, when it comes to eating I tend to force myself to be a grazer. I don’t want to starve, but I do eat a handful of small meals in hopes that I will metabolize more efficiently. When I moved to Seattle, four years ago, I gained thirty pounds. Since then I have lost all but ten and am obsessed with getting the rest of it off and keeping it at bay. In fact, for a better part of my day, this obsession consumes my thoughts. It makes me feel guilty about indulging. It is for this reason that I keep the indulgence to a minimum, weigh myself every morning and drink lots of Oolong tea (as I have read it breaks down fat more efficiently than green tea). As well, the bike riding has a hand in creating my gendered identity. What seems like a pro-health activity is actually motivated by my obsession with being thin. The most dangerous element in the way I actively pursue femininity is the way my motivation to be “girly” is cloaked under seemingly positive things like hygiene, healthy eating and exercise. I do this so that no one will ever suspect my underling insecurity with my appearance. In the event that I ever do lose myself to my obsession, I will be quite skilled in covering it up and could potentially spiral out of control. It is my hope that knowing this will keep me from becoming extreme in my feminine pursuits.
